Testimonials
Testimonial 1
'Wow, what a day! Lunch with Bronwen was so enjoyable. This is my first entry in this journal (a thoughtful and lovely gift from my friend and mentor Bronwen Healy). To think that I have come this far since 1st September last year. From where I was at when I was reading 'Trophy of Grace', Bron's book, until now, is truely amazing. I literally had no friends left (L took care of that), I was broken, shattered, stripped raw and at the mercy of my family. And I was trying to gain back the trust of my precious boys (who were no longer in my care). Now I have since found God, I have 100% care of my two sons who love me as I am and trust me again. I have regained some of my family's love and trust and also I have an ever-increasing circle of friends (which is constantly widening). I have also since had some of my dearest and oldest friends come back to me. How blessed do I feel!
Not to mention a new house, new fantastic car and a new job. I'm also an international student home-stay host (hold a blue card), do volunteer work at A's school and hold a current CPR certificate. I am secretary of the Ladies Auxillery at Algester State School and most importantly I go to church every Sunday.
I literally had nothing left, my spirit was broken and I know now that God spoke to me and placed his hand upon me late that last night I spent with L (who was Satan or Lucifer himself).I called out to God to protect me that night and help me find a way out, all I could see was death or jail (I so wanted to die).
The 1st of September I was a helpless, homeless heroin addict. I gave up my boys for 3wks, fooling myself that I could live without them, while I tried to get away from L and my heroin filled exsitence. I did get away from L and heroin , but it made me realise that I couldn't function without my babies. There was no point to living without them. They were the only reason I'm still alive today.
I died a little more each day that pasted, not seeing them. Not even speaking to them. It was killing me. I have never felt so depressed in all my life. The Lord kept me alive long enough to hear Him and meet Him and realise that I am worthy of being alive and loved. I am special and loving and kind and good. I can teach my boys so much and I'm excited by my future and the prospect of what's to come.
I have a faith that noone can challenge, and trust and respect for myself that cannot be broken. I am 100% clean, no more drugs in my life, I don't even have friends around me who touch them. This is all thanks to my Almighty Father and all the angels in heaven and earth that He has placed in a very tight ring around me. I am more that 'there' i feel it more each day. L, Dr.R, Mum, R, A & H, Bronwen, J & L and Elevate Church, A, G. You are all around me and I know, praying for me and watching out for me. I have never felt more loved or secure, never! It's all good, it really is, even when it's tough I know I am safe.
IT'S ALL GOOD!
Testimonial 2
'I really missed spending time with my son, but R made sure he took that away from me, in a slow process. The guilt of pushing my son away because of what R was doing to me, drove me to start thinking of revenge and drugs. I needed something to take the pain away...
I was already on codeine for a knee operation I had in 1987. I started to "Doctor Shop" telling so many lies to my doctor's and myself, anyway that I could get a hold of codeine... My son's grades were going down fast, he was working at Hungry Jacks from age 16. His boss and friends were tellin gme that M was looking withdrawn and very stressed. Great, i thought to myself... look what I am doing to my son, making his life a living hell, he deserves so much better that a pathetic no good person, I gave up calling myself mother, I didn't deserve that name.
Eventually i wanted more of a buzz, wanted to be more off my face, I found something, Cocaine.. and codeine, I was so intimidated by R. I find it hard now to remember years, dates and more as the trauma of the last ten years with R killed all inside of me.
Finally my son's desperation and my own self hatred showed me that we needed to 'fix' this. I decided to leave and go to Brisbane to find help with my addiction, but my son couldn't go with me. It was hard, but we said our goodbyes, and we told R that I was going on holiday and would be home soon... I was never comming back to that relationship...
I found myself at Pindari, a women's shelter in Brisbane and they started to help me off the cocaine. I remember doing some classes witht he staff, self help groups, yet was still holding all the anger and pain inside, I would cover that with my pretend laughter.
One day I was just in my room crying feeling like this planet is better off with me erased from it... When we were invited to go to 'the Temple' to hear 'Bronwen Healy' share her story. I thought, why would I want to hear about someone talk about all the stuff I was going through... But I agreed to go
Bronwen's story amazed me. She had survived and had written a book. I ran downstairs before anyone else got there. This beautiful lady brought me her book 'trophy of grace' and Bronwen signed it for me saying 'looking forward to doing to journey with you...'. I treasured that book and carried it around everywhere with me.
I have passed many of her books onto lots of people so they too can hear her story, and realise everything is possible, never to give up Hope, Love and Faith. I wear the Hope Foundation band and carry the book with pride, I have been planning some goals; they are; to build up my relationship with my son, to forgive myself and to walk tall and proud in the eyes of God, and continue to help out with the Hope Foundation.
Here is a poem I wrote for women that are on a journey similar to ours:
TRUST HOPE AND FAITH
My sweet friend
You have such a huge heart
I could see how genuine you were
From the very start
I can see the pain in your eyes
The tears not too far away
Please remember I'm always here for you
I will never turn and walk away
I love our chats
Love when we carry on and laugh
Sweetie please let go of the pain and hurt
No more hiding behind that mask
I know there are many hard distractions
That can easily soften the pain
It's so easy to repeat our mistakes
Over and over again
Please keep your hope and faith
Self esteem and trust
Take a deep breath, step back
Gotta think of you, it's a must
I love you as a very special friend
I will never let that go
You're a beautiful woman
That's something that so does show
